"that's easy for you to say, he threatened to shove an iPod up my cock"
"don't let him hear you saying that, he'd fuck you like Ron Jeremy- only with less warmth"
"I'd love to stop and talk but I'd rather have type 2 diabetes"
"we are going to ram you up Tom's arse so hard that he has to shit out of his lying mouth"
"you're so badly fucked, his bell end is wearing your appendix as a hat"
"you're about as secure as a hymen in a South London comprehensive"
"if he thinks he's leaking now, wait til I finished with him, he'll be like Mel Gibson's fucking Jesus"
"you don't go and get me some cheese, I'll rip your head off, and give you a spinedectomy"
"it's not like we're The Independent, we can't just stick a headline like CRUELTY and a picture of a whale or something underneath it"
"enough of the pleasantries, let's just oil up and get fucking eh"
"ok people WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COCK"
"you don't leak, not from the mouth anyway"